Some Random Observations on Parenthood...


“A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes.” ~ Russell Lynes

“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” ~ Erma Bombeck

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.” ~ Bill Cosby

“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” ~ Franklin P. Jones

“Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.” ~ Doug Larson.

“It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner.” ~ Ben Bergor

“The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.” ~ Bill Cosby

“Mothers are all slightly insane.” ~ J.D. Salinger confused

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” ~ Milton Berle

“Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.” ~ Ed Asner

“Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth.” ~ Peter Ustinov

“Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.” ~ Joyce Armor

“A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” ~ Tenneva Jordan

“A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever after.” ~ Peter De Vries

“Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease.” ~ Lisa Alther

“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” ~ Phyllis Diller

“Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young.” ~ Author Unknown

“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.” ~ Mark Twain

“My mother had to send me to the movies with my birth certificate, so that I wouldn’t have to pay the extra fifty cents that the adults had to pay.” ~ Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

“There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.” ~ Chinese Proverb

“You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around – and why his parents will always wave back.” ~ William D. Tammeus

“It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.” ~ Helen Rowland

Most things are good, and they are the strongest things; but there are evil things too, and you are not doing a child a favor by trying to shield him from reality. The important thing is to teach a child that good can always triumph over evil. - Walt Disney

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal. - Bill Cosby

There really are places in the heart you don't even know exist until you love a child. - Anne Lamott, Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year

Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them. - James Baldwin

If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings. - Brian Tracy

Your children are not your children, they come through you, but they are life itself, wanting to express itself. - Wayne Dyer

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. - P.J. O'Rourke

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. - Franklin P. Adams

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. - Phyllis Diller

Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories. - John Wilmot, 2nd Earl of Rochester (1647-1680)

One thing I had learned from watching chimpanzees with their infants is that having a child should be fun. - Jane Goodall

Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears. - Henry Cloud

If you can control your behavior when everything around you is out of control, you can model for your children a valuable lesson in patience and understanding...and snatch an opportunity to shape character. - Jane Clayson Johnson, I Am a Mother

Educate your children to self-control, to the habit of holding passion and prejudice and evil tendencies subject to an upright and reasoning will, and you have done much to abolish misery from their future and crimes from society. - Benjamin Franklin

Perhaps it takes courage to raise children. - John Steinbeck, East of Eden

If you are a parent, open doors to unknown directions to the child so he can explore. Don't make him afraid of the unknown,give him support. - Osho

All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. - Erma Bombeck

We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up. - Phyllis Diller

Everything depends on upbringing. - Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace

The value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children produce adults. - Peter De Vries

We never know the love of the parent till we become parents ourselves. - Henry Ward Beecher